Unicorn Embermane [Ready]

[Firesong]

Roleplay Type: World of Equestria

Name: Embermane ( 'Ember' for short )

Sex: Female

Age: young filly

Species: Unicorn

Eye colour: Violet

Coat: dull brown coat, almost dirt colored. She bares a set of darker freckles across her nose.

Mane/Tail: Embermane's Hair is like looking at a blazeing fire. It is rather long and unkempt brilliant red, and streaked with gold.

Physique: Embermane is short already compared to her peers, but she currently carries herself in a rather defensive manor making her appear much smaller. Normally she is upbeat in a word, and bounces from place to place sometimes. She's also a bit of a skinny pony, but that's not to say she isn't strong- quite the opposite, actually, she is a rather athletic pony Embermane has rather strong back legs because of this, and likes to show off among young ponies, by standing on her back legs when participating in Carni-games. Her horn is sharp, and a tad short. As for what she wears, a simple violet tie sported at the base of her tail.

Residence: Depends, she is wandering.

Occupation: Wanderer

Personality: Normally bright and outgoing, she caves under pressure and usually backs down from confrontation if it's with a much older pony. She has a problem with anyone just giving her anything or doing anything for her because she much prefers to do it herself. Independent and strong willed, she will face down a much bigger foe if her friends are in danger but currently lacks the courage or the friends to do so. She is rather smart, but not overly so and loves to learn new things, especially if they are fun or can be made into a game of some sort. Her love of games is a passion almost, and usually comes before anything else she does. She sometimes struggles with some unseen inner turmoil about her cutiemark, having not yet discovered who she is meant to be. She knows what she 'wants' to do but has not discovered that 'spark' of who she is. She aspires to be just like her mother, but cannot seem to find that something special.

Cutie Mark: [N/A]

Favorite food: Banana pop.

Character history:

Embermane was born to an earth pony named fallbrook and a 'Seer' Starfire, a Unicorn who could see the future. Raised among the circus ponies who traveled between Stalliongrad and Trottingham for the months leading up to winter, She made many friends within the young filly's and colts of the older carni-folk. Life was great for Embermane growing up. She often enjoyed many games with the other young ponies and was quite talented when it came to games that needed a good aim, be it horse-shoe throwing or a simple game of pin the tail on the pony. She was always treated well by the other circus ponies, until in a fit of Jealousy at Ember's mother's real gift for fortune telling, her trusted 'Aunt' Silinaya, a Zebra of ill persuasion who told fortunes designed to shock rather then inform, Told Ember of a terrible future in where her parent's hated her because of her lack of a cutie mark.

In her heart Ember tried to disbelieve, but Silinaya's prediction struck a cord in the young filly, as all the other carni-folk filly's and colts had already gotten their cutiemarks long before, and where now taking their places beside their parents in whatever talent they possessed. Silinaya consulted her crystal ball, and told Embermane of a terrible future that awaited her should she stay with the circus cutiemarkless as she was. Silinaya told the young filly that she had only until the next full dark of the moon to find her hidden talents or her fate would be sealed.

Grief stricken, Ember ran. She never looked back and ran until her legs no longer wanted to work properly. It was dark of night and raining before she came on what she thought was an abandoned train car. She had seen many of these in the carnival as she traveled quite a lot. Embermane climbed inside and made a small bed in the hay that lay inside before crying herself to sleep in the strangely warm hay. When she awoke in the late afternoon, the train-car was moving very fast. It had not been abandoned after all. She carefully looked out the still open compartment doors and saw a great city on a mountain fast approaching.

canterlot

She knew where she must be, because though she'd never seen it, her mother had told stories of a beautiful City, nestled in the mountainside overlooking the planes of Ponyville far below, and the Everfree forest her mother used to tell her of, Where the animals took care of themselves, and the weather changed all on it's own. At once she was very excited, and very scared. She didn't know how to get home, but knew that maybe she could ask those ponyfolk for help in getting her cutie mark. It was her best hope.

When Embermane arrived in Canterlot, it was a bit overwhelming with all the sights and sounds and all the ponys everywhere. it was more strangers then she'd ever seen in with the carni-folk. Embermane overhearing a conversation a few hours later of wandering in the town, heard that a circus was coming to town and everyone was excited. It was not the one she was from, but Ember panicked, and ran again.

She wandered for several days, eating only what flowers she could find on the road. It was not what she was used to, nor were they very tasty but a filly's stomach is a hard taskmaster, and when it's empty everyone knows it. She stumbled one day into ponyville where she lay down in the cool shade of a building to rest. The bags under her eyes and her dirty mane the only testament to her harrowing journey.

That is where Ember's story starts.

[Mojo]

Hi Firesong!

You seem to have covered all your bases here, but the formatting of your app could use some work. Rarity's guide is meant to show the things that should be included in a good app, but you should just include those details in your pony's backgroud story. You don't have to do a point-by-point outline. In fact, a more 'flowing' writing style will demonstrate your ability to RP effectively. There are many examples of apps to browse through in the Accepted Apps section so you can see this for yourself.

You do have the essence of a great foal character here. With some editing, I know it'll be a welcome addition to the World of Equestria RP!

[Mellorious]

Working with Firesong on this, and she requested I post suggestions on some things.

This is what I have for right now just for "physique":

Sparking Blaze is short already compared to her peers, but she carries herself in a manner reflecting her low self-confidance, thus making her appear even shorter. She's also a bit of a skinny pony, but that's not to say she isn't strong- quite the opposite, actually, she is a rather athletic filly. Her horn is sharp, and also a tad short.

[Firesong]

WEEEE~ it's all done.

I think this is probably the best character history I have ever done. =3

and thanks to my better half for helping me. XD

[Mojo]

This is much, much better formatted, Firesong!

All of the required fields are filled, and although she has a sad backstory, there's no rule against that so it works.

I like the name change too, but you did leave one 'Sparkling Blaze' in your app, need to fix that.

Other than that, I would say this app would be ready for further review by Senior Staff!

:smirk:

[Firesong]

SWEET!

I fixed the last 'sparking blaze' and re-read it again, i wanted to make sure there was nothing left out. =3

I also made sure to say it's the final version. thanks for all the help.

[Rosewind]

Hi there! After reviewing this application for stamping, I'll need a few tweaks, and a little more information. You're almost there!

1. Her character history is...long. While it tells me a lot about where she came from, it doesn't really describe to me the kind of character she is. I need a little bit more personality described. What kind of character would she be like to meet? Does she have any interests, aspirations, and goals? Any quirks? It looks like you're wanting to discover that in the roleplay -- and that is fantastic. I would try to include a few more details that would really give complexity to this character in some way. She could have an interest in collecting bubble gum, for all we know. Little details really bring a character to life -- something we aim for in Mane RP. This character is a product of your creativity, and you want her to be your very best. You want to give yourself material to work with, and other players to interact with and find interesting, right?

2. Please remove the reference to Princess Celestia. We do not allow mention of cast characters in applications (without permission) for many good reasons, despite the known lore or intent. This is done out of respect for her current player.

Once those two things are taken care of, I will be happy to review this application again. Please reply to this thread again when you are ready. Thankies!

[Firesong]

Ok. Hopefully, this time it's done.

I added an indepth personalty, and changed her hystory just a tad to take out the referance of Celestia. =3 i hope this works.

[Rosewind]

Close, but not quite there yet! I also noticed a contradiction while reading through this application again, which should be clarified:

Physique: Embermane is rather wimpy, and caries herself in a defensive manner making her appear shorter then she is. Embermane is short already compared to her peers, but she carries herself in a manner reflecting her low self-confidance, thus making her appear even shorter. She's also a bit of a skinny pony, but that's not to say she isn't strong- quite the opposite, actually, she is a rather athletic pony. Her horn is sharp, and a tad short. As for what she wears, a simple violet tie sported at the base of her tail.

Personality: Normally bright and outgoing, she caves under pressure and usually backs down from confrontation if it's with a much older pony.

She has a problem with anyone just giving her anything or doing anything for her because she much prefers to do it herself. Independent and strong willed, she will face down a much bigger foe if her friends are in danger but currently lacks the courage or the friends to do so. She is rather smart, but not overly so and loves to learn new things, especially if they are fun or can be made into a game of some sort. Her love of games is a passion almost, and usually comes before anything else she does. She sometimes struggles with some unseen inner turmoil about her cutiemark, having not yet discovered who she is meant to be. She knows what she 'wants' to do but has not discovered that 'spark' of who she is.

There we go! As you can see, there is a contradiction with this character and her personality. Self confidence, inner turmoil, courage. Do these make up a character, or is there a deeper, focused aspect you can explore? Try to figure out what, exactly, she is. What kind of personality would make her the most interesting for the situation she's in, without overdoing it? She seems brave enough to run away from home. Try not to contradict this character's design, and tell us what exactly she is. Is she courageous? Is she strong willed? Is she wimpy with certain things, but strong with others?

and the Everfree forest her mother used to tell her of, Where the powerful magics of ancient times lay hidden within it's Eerie canopy

I see you removed Celestia, good! However, we're not quite sure if Everfree houses "powerful magics of ancient times." This particular fault is called a lore trap, because it introduces something to the game we're not too sure about. If we accepted this application as it is, we would have to accept the above quote as canon in our game. Since we're not sure what is going on with or within Everfree, I would suggest you change this part of your application to something more vague that does not introduce additional, unapproved lore to the game.

I apologize if I'm coming off nitpicky. Part of what makes World of Equestria (Mane RP) so special is our quality standard for new characters. I always impress the following to interested players: design your character and application as if they would be seen on a real, live episode of Friendship is Magic. I think with that in mind, you will have an easier time finishing this application. If you have any questions or need additional help, please ask! Thankies!

[Firesong]

ugh. Yeah. Sorry. >_< My GF wrote that and I forgot to change it.

It's all done. and you know? Since I keep making so many changes I will change the title to just Ready. T^T

also, I was referring to the stories about the mare in the moon, but i changed it to something generic instead. =3

[RarityDash]

I think this app looks good... so:

[Firesong]

*raises hooves in celebration!*